Lost Blog (oct. 26)

Dear inspirations

Today grandpa passed away..

I don't 

The top sentence is what I wrote on Friday today is Monday. 

Grandpa passed away and at that moment I didn't know how to feel. So at first I didn't cry. Perhaps the reality hadn't sat in but the day after.. When I saw them taking the casket in tears crawled down my face. I didn't have shades to hide behind and I wish I did at that moment. 

Muslim tradition you bury really soon.  So he died on Friday they buried him on Saturday. 

I felt pain inside because like I told you before I didn't grow up with grandpa. I can say that I was in Nigeria his last month of being alive and I can say that I went to visit him often. When someone passes away you think to yourself well at least I do "could I have seen them more? Was it more that I could have done?" So those questions filled my mind as I sat there watching them pray for grandpa. 

There is always life and then there is the reality of life. My grandpa is dead  but in a perfect world he is free from pain and suffering. 

The last month of his life I brought him medicine, we talked, I watched him eat and relax. I took pictures with him and I was able to freeze the moment. 

I won't go into depth the burial process or exactly how it made me feel. I will say that it made me a stronger person. It made me realize that this side of my family is extremely strong. So deep down inside I can be strong too. 

Your only as strong as the people around you and for that I'm forever indebted to Nigeria. 

Today is the third day and Muslims believe that the dead starts going to heaven so all day they pray. They cook beans and plantain because they believe that the spirits eat that as well. 

On the eighth day is a celebration of life. Which is this coming Saturday. 

My father will arrive on Friday. I'm happy that he is coming I missed him a lot. 

At the burial I had on my shades and before I knew it tears were pouring from my eyes and someone said don't cry you still have grandma.. 

I think I took that as a insult at first. 

No one can tell you how to feel and no one knows how you feel inside. In so many ways people deal with things  different. So behind the shades I had to toughen up and deal. 

Love Jasmine P. 

This blog was written 10 days ago right after it happen. 

Today I'm in a different place about it and I can only be grateful for all that happen.