Today I write from a soft place in my heart. I'm 25 weeks pregnant! Yup! That's what I said. Lol. In the beginning I was hoping that this was some type of prank. You ever have moments when you feel like your on Punk'd? Well that's how I initially felt.
The news hit me about two weeks before my 26 birthday. I had plans of turning up. I mean I wasn't planning a huge party or anything, but I had plans to forget my name for my birthday. (Ok may be not all of that). Anywho there I was 6 pregnancy sticks later still thinking, what a sick joke this was.
I think sharing it with my fiancé and friends made it all sorta surreal. The thing that sealed the deal was that first doctors visit. They wanted to know how I was feeling and why did I think I was pregnant. I was tired, but I'm always tired you know.
So, in the doctors room we waited. I was scared like a 12 year old getting ready for a high school physical in the gym behind that little curtain.
I wanted to know if it was really true.. Me a mom? No way? How? When? Now? The emotions I felt were so crazy.
Welp, "looks like your about 10 weeks pregnant" he was saying more but I think I mentally left the room.
I could have fainted because now it was really real. I was really pregnant. I sat there with Addy and we laughed. I was laughing to keep from crying. He was probably laughing because he was happy. Now don't get me wrong kids are a true blessing and I've always pictured myself being a mom one day.
You know I saw my kids running in the back yard and me being a PTO mom but I never saw me actually carrying the kid in my stomach. You know I saw my house and white fence and my account on overload (currently far from it). I saw this though.
Call me crazy but I saw my life in snippets all the time and it never crossed my mind that I would be wobbling around.
Coincidently, it seems like everyone around me is pregnant my best friend, my old roommate in Maryland, all of my fb friends, and my grad school buddy. It's in the water they said. I wasn't drinking water sooo how did this happen?
We all know. Moving on.
I was scared to tell people what would they think? She not married. I was two semester away from my Masters degree.
Humph.. There's more i'm sure they probably said but I'll never know.
I feel like I conquered so much in 26 years, but I never knew I would be someone's mom.
25 weeks later I know that I'm not on Punk'd.
About 5 years ago I secretly decided that whatever God has for me is literally for me. I accepted that. So how could I not walk in his purpose of being a mom?
I just hope I can be a good mom.
I just hope my kid doesn't make me go crazy with the many first we will have.
I pray that I'm still able to do all of the things on my list. Like change the world.
This blog is for me. For me to remember how I felt. I cry sometimes. I laugh sometimes. I'm in pain often. I hate the sight of stairs. I'm out of breath sometimes. Those bathroom trips are about to kill me. My baby kicks me like he's angry. I need a new back. Some days are really tough but...
I'm ok with that.
I'm embracing it.
I love the woman I'm becoming.
I'm going to be someones mom.
Love Jasmine P.
