When I think back on how great June was.... wait who am I kidding June was horrible in my mind. I found myself sinking in my own misery. I went to work, home and to the gym a few days. A whole month went by and I don't think I have anything to show for it.
I set myself on this imaginary time meter and now that I'm no where near my plan I feel like I failed.
Did I fail? Why does it feel this way?
How come I continue to look around me at the people who reached higher success.
My dad is proud of me for all that I've done thus far.
My mom encourages me daily to do better.
All of my friends are in my corner and they cheer me on.
Yet in my mind somehow I feel like I have nothing going for myself.
The month of June was rough on me mentally. I wasn't even able to complete a random act of kindness. 30 days passed by and because I was being selfish I gave nothing and I shared nothing with the world. I'm ashamed of my selfishness. This week is my last week of my current job until August.
I hope for a new job in a new direction. I pray for a better situation and then I have to stop and ask myself is this situation that bad?
My life has been on a countdown thus far silently I've been keeping track of my accomplishments and my downfalls.
(122 days til my birthday ) I really can't help it.
I'm proud of where I am but I'm upset because I need to be at other places.
With social media taking over the world day by day I think its easy to get caught up in the hype of what you should be, could be, want to be, hope to be, aspire to be, need to be.
I have a 101 blue prints on what my life will look like in the next 10 years. What happens if none of those blue prints work out?
I'll have to accept it and go with the plan God has for me. It's easily said but hard to follow and wait on.
I am hard on myself but shouldn't I be.
Who wants to wake up at 40 still standing in the same spot.
Sometimes things are out of your control and all you can do is just breath.
Dear Ju(ly)
I ask that this month I have patience with myself, that I take the time to appreciate where I am standing and how much I've grown as a woman.
I hope that I can give and really accept things for what they are.
Life can be overwhelming at times and I will be the first to say that "You can do it.
in the same token I have a hard time taking my own advice. It could all be so simple but instead its called life.
Enjoy when life is great and most of all don't give up when life gets to hard. I want joy in July that's all.
Thank you to all of my followers, friends and family who continue to believe in ME.
Love Jasmine P.
